Music for Grown-Ups - 10/05/2009 : London O2 Arena: 5 reasons why I won’t be returning

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by Gerry Smith

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10/05/2009

London O2 Arena: 5 reasons why I won’t be returning

Before reviewing last Saturday’s Bob Dylan gig at the O2 Arena, I wrestled with a dilemma: whether to focus on the gig or become distracted by the transport facilities.

In the end, I decided to concentrate on the concert. After all, having known about the lack of transport for weeks before the show, I’d decided to turn a problem into an opportunity to rediscover the area of SE London surrounding the Millennium Dome.

Parking in Woolwich, four miles from the gig, we enjoyed an invigorating afternoon hike, revisiting Greenwich, exploring the Thames Barrier and following the Thames Path.

En route, we were wowed by the high quality development of the Greenwich Peninsula – some fabulous new housing and the laudable Greenwich Ecology Park, which has already attracted an impressive array of wildlife.

We spent 15 minutes listening to the territorial song of a trio of male sedge warblers, just returned from Africa and urgently seeking female friendship: magnifico!

But I wouldn’t dream of going to the O2 again, for 5 reasons:

1. poor access; the only viable mass transit facility to/from the 02 is the Jubilee Line. Forget the pathetic alternatives – replacement buses, trains to distant Charlton, the riverboat, expensive bottleneck car parks... without the Tube, the far-flung venue simply isn’t worth the hassle.

I’m not interested in hoping that there’ll be a Jubilee Line running for future gigs; I’ll just assume that there won’t be. An essential service you can’t trust isn’t worth having.

2. while the recent Leonard Cohen show overcame the enormity of the venue with big screens and stupendous audio, the Dylan show didn’t make the same effort. Expecting as much, I took my 10 x 40 binoculars. I could just make out Bob’s face. The sound was acceptable, but not nearly as good as Lenny’s.

3. the venue sells food and drink and allows customers to take them to their seats. Result? I was forced to listen to a group of morons gorging on a disgusting, stinking “meal” of cheeseburgers, greasy chips and fizzy pop – while Dylan was performing.

4. the venue’s bars must be open throughout the show as there was a constant distracting procession, up and down the gangways, of p*ss-heads, first struggling in with plastic glasses of beer, then shuffling back out to offload what they’d just poured down their fat necks.

5. I find the gargantuan arena oppressive; it makes me feel like an ant. I had thought after the Cohen show that they’d succeeded in turning an arena into a non-arena experience. Wrong: if you possess a soul, the O2, like all other arenas, is dispiriting.

I decided years ago: no more arena shows - not suitable for grown-up music. Seduced by its rarity value, I made an exception for the O2 Cohen show; then foolishly extended the exception for Dylan.

Never again.

Not for Dylan. Not for the Stones. Not even for the Second Coming.

I’d much, much rather stay home.

Gerry Smith

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